%20me.png)
What It Really Means to Create Emotional ‘Rest Stops’ in Your Relationship
- Jessicah Walker Herche, PhD, HSPP
- 17 hours ago
- 3 min read
Life moves fast. Work deadlines pile up, kids need attention, and everyday responsibilities leave little space for couples to slow down. When life feels like one long, unbroken highway, it’s easy for partners to drift apart—not because they don’t care, but because they never pull off the road long enough to reconnect.
That’s where “emotional rest stops” come in. These are intentional moments of connection that allow couples to pause, breathe, and re-center together. They might seem small, but over time, they can make the difference between a relationship that feels depleted and one that feels deeply alive.
Why Do We Need Emotional Rest Stops?
Think about a long road trip. You can’t drive for eight hours straight without stopping—you need fuel, food, and a break from the car seat. Relationships are no different. When you go too long without intentional connection, you risk emotional burnout.
Emotional rest stops are those pauses in the journey where you check in—not just logistically, but emotionally.They offer space to say, “How are we doing?” rather than just, “What’s for dinner?”
Without these stops, disconnection quietly grows. You may start to feel like roommates instead of partners, resentment creeps in, and intimacy suffers.
What Does an Emotional Rest Stop Look Like?
The beauty of these moments is that they don’t have to be elaborate. A rest stop can be:
A 10-minute conversation after the kids go to bed where you each share one thing you appreciated about the other that day.
Holding hands while walking the dog and talking about something beyond schedules.
Asking, “What was the best and hardest part of your day?” during dinner.
A weekly check-in where you talk about how connected (or disconnected) you feel and what might help. For a gentle guide to help you start this rhythm, explore our Weekly Check-In template.
The key isn’t the activity—it’s the intentionality. You’re saying, “We matter enough to pause.”
Why One Rest Stop Isn’t Enough
Some couples think, “We’ll reconnect on date night,” or “Vacation will fix this.” While those moments are important, they’re like taking one massive exit ramp after driving for 500 miles straight. It’s better to have smaller, more frequent breaks along the way.
Healthy relationships are built on consistent, micro-moments of connection—not just the big events.
How to Build Emotional Rest Stops Into Your Life
Name Them Together
Talk with your partner about why these moments matter. You might say, “I notice when we’re both busy, we feel disconnected. Can we plan small moments to check in?”
Start Small
Don’t overcomplicate it. Begin with five minutes a day or a simple ritual—like coffee together before work or a quick text at lunch.
Protect the Time
These moments are easy to skip, but consistency matters. Treat them like an appointment you don’t cancel.
Keep It Safe
Rest stops aren’t the time to bring up big conflicts. This is about connection and care, not problem-solving.
When It Feels Awkward
If you haven’t done this before, it might feel unnatural. That’s okay. Connection habits are like muscles—they strengthen with use. Over time, these rest stops will feel less like one more thing to do and more like something you can’t imagine living without.
Relationships Need Emotional Rest Stops
Every relationship needs places to pause—tiny spaces where you can look at each other and say, “I’m glad we’re in this together.” Life’s highway isn’t slowing down anytime soon, but you can choose to pull over and reconnect. Those small moments will fuel you for the long journey ahead.
If you and your partner want to create more connection but aren’t sure where to start, couples therapy can help. Together, we’ll identify practical, meaningful ways to build emotional rest stops into your relationship.
Disclaimer: The information provided on this blog is for educational purposes only and is not intended to replace professional psychological care, professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.
