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Learning to Trust Calm: A Journey for High Achievers
- Jessicah Walker Herche, PhD, HSPP
- Apr 18
- 4 min read
As high achievers, we’re often trained to thrive on the energy of stress. The sense of urgency, the need to be “on” all the time—this can feel familiar, like the natural rhythm of our lives. We may have even conditioned ourselves - or have been conditioned by our environment - to believe that growth, improvement, and success are only possible when we’re stressed, busy, or in high gear. But what if that’s not the only way?
Lately, I’ve been reflecting on a curious and uncomfortable truth that many of us may share: even when things are going well—when things are calm—we still find ourselves scanning for what could go wrong. It’s almost like we don’t know how to trust the stillness. Our nervous systems are so accustomed to stress that they often seem to search for it, waiting for something to disrupt the peace.
How many of us have found ourselves in the middle of a calm moment, wondering, Is everything okay? Many of us feel a tension between peace and the urge to find a problem, a solution, or something to do.
When there’s nothing pressing to solve, we might even begin to question if something is missing, as though calm itself is suspicious.
It’s a kind of discomfort that we’ve trained ourselves to accept. And, as many of us know, it’s hard to enjoy what’s in front of us when our minds are trained to look for the next hurdle. That constant search for stress, that need for things to feel “urgent” or “high stakes,” keeps us moving, but it also takes away from our ability to just be present.
So, how do we shift this? How do we unlearn the habit of scanning for stress, and instead, start trusting that calm can be the foundation for growth and improvement?
For many high achievers, and especially for high achieving women, this discomfort with stillness is common. We’re told that “busyness” is a badge of honor, and that we must be constantly striving to achieve more, climb higher, and “fix” things. Our self-worth gets tangled up in our ability to handle stress and perform under pressure.
But here’s the truth: Growth doesn’t have to come from chaos.
The real magic happens when we stop looking for stress as the catalyst for progress. Instead, we can focus on cultivating balance, and approach our goals with intentionality and ease. When we slow down, even briefly, we open up space for clarity and insight to emerge.
It’s important to remember that slowing down doesn’t mean we’re falling behind or losing momentum—it simply means we’re learning to take more aligned and purposeful steps forward, rather than running on autopilot. This quiet space is where creativity and true insight come to life, without the urgency and fear that often cloud our vision.
HOW HICH ACHIEVERS can BEGIN to TRUST CALM:
THREE SIMPLE STEPS
Pause and Breathe
When you feel yourself slipping into overdrive, take a moment to simply pause. Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths, letting the exhale feel like a deep sigh. Notice how your body feels at the end of each sigh. This small act of pausing can shift your energy and help you become more attuned to your internal state as well as help your nervous system shift back into a feeling of calm and safety.
Practice Mindful Awareness
The next time you’re feeling calm, stay with the feeling for a few minutes. Notice where your mind goes. Do you start searching for something to “fix”? Take note of that reaction without judgment. Just observe, and then gently bring your attention back to the present moment.
Embrace Small Wins
Instead of relying on big, high-stress goals to measure progress, focus on small, intentional actions you take each day. Celebrate those wins without needing to hustle. This helps break the pattern of measuring success through stress.
As high achievers, it’s essential to find a healthier balance. Yes, ambition and drive are powerful tools, but they don’t need to come at the expense of our peace and well-being. Learning to trust calm might just be the secret to sustained success—not just in our careers, but in our relationships and overall happiness.
We all deserve to move forward with ease, to embrace the quiet as a part of our growth, and to know that everything doesn’t need to be a race to the finish line. When we let go of the need for constant urgency, we create space to truly enjoy the journey, without the weight of stress holding us back.
What if calm didn’t mean something was wrong or about to fall apart—but rather that things are working, and you’re allowed to exhale?
If you’re curious about what it would feel like to live from that place, therapy might be the next step on your journey. Let’s work together to quiet the noise, break old cycles, and learn what it means to feel safe in stillness. Reach out today to begin your therapy journey.
Disclaimer: The information provided on this blog is for educational purposes only and is not intended to replace professional psychological care, professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.
