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Why EFT Works — How Emotionally Focused Therapy Heals Relationships
- Jessicah Walker Herche, PhD, HSPP
- Jan 9
- 3 min read
Updated: Jul 26
Every couple experiences moments of disconnection—those times when arguments feel circular, misunderstandings pile up, and intimacy feels out of reach. When these patterns persist, the emotional distance can leave partners feeling unseen and alone, even when they deeply love each other.
If you’ve wondered why it’s so hard to “just communicate better,” you’re not alone. Communication tips often fail because they don’t address the root of the problem: the emotional patterns underneath. That’s where Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) comes in. Grounded in attachment science, EFT helps couples move beyond surface-level conflict and create the emotional safety that makes connection possible.
What Is EFT and Why Does It Work?
EFT is an evidence-based approach to couples therapy that helps partners identify and transform the negative cycles that keep them feeling stuck. Instead of focusing solely on behavior or problem-solving, EFT goes deeper—to the emotions and attachment needs driving those patterns.
Here’s why it matters:
Emotions shape how we respond to each other in moments of conflict.
Secure attachment—the sense that your partner is emotionally available and responsive—is the foundation of healthy relationships.
When couples learn to turn toward each other with vulnerability instead of pulling away or attacking, real healing happens.
(Want to learn more about attachment and why it matters? Explore our guide on building secure attachment in relationships.)
The 3 Stages of EFT
De-escalation
You’ll work with your therapist to identify the negative cycle—like pursue-withdraw or attack-defend—that traps you both. Naming the pattern (instead of blaming each other) is the first step toward change.
Restructuring
This stage helps partners share softer, deeper emotions—often hidden beneath anger or withdrawal—while learning to respond with empathy. These moments of vulnerability are what rebuild trust.
Consolidation
The final phase reinforces new interaction patterns and helps couples integrate these skills into everyday life.
Through these stages, couples move from conflict and distance to closeness and security—together.
What to Expect in EFT Session
EFT typically unfolds over 8–20 sessions. In early sessions, your therapist will help clarify your goals and map out your relationship dynamics.
As you progress, expect to:
Explore the fears and unmet needs driving conflict.
Practice new ways of reaching for and responding to each other.
Experience moments of connection that feel safe, affirming, and real.
(Curious why couples therapy sometimes feels harder before it feels better? Check out why couples therapy doesn’t work—and how to change that.)
Why EFT Is So Effective
Research consistently shows that EFT helps 70–75% of couples move from distress to recovery, with benefits that last long after therapy ends (Wiebe & Johnson, 2016). Why? Because it doesn’t just teach skills—it rewires the emotional bond that relationships depend on.
Ready to Transform Your Relationship?
Every couple has conflict—but disconnection doesn’t have to define your story. At Cadence Psychology Studio, we specialize in Emotionally Focused Therapy because it helps couples heal at the deepest level.
Whether you’ve grown distant, feel stuck in repeating arguments, or simply want to strengthen your bond, EFT can help you create a relationship that feels safe, close, and resilient.
Ready to start building the connection you've been longing for? Learn more about couples therapy in Fishers & Carmel, IN and schedule a consultation today.
Reference:
Wiebe, S. A., & Johnson, S. M. (2016). A review of the research in emotionally focused therapy for couples. Family Process, 55(3), 390–407. https://doi.org/10.1111/famp.12229
Disclaimer:
The information provided on this blog is for educational purposes only and is not intended to replace professional psychological care, professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.
